my english is deteriorating. ajc really is a very chinese place. little snipets of chinese have begun to weave its way into the words that come out my mouth, with a little bit of *gasp* hokkien. my worst fears will soon be founded when i find i can no longer express myself in english, when i can't seem to find the exact words to bring out the essence of how i feel, what i think. and since i will obviously never be able to express myself in chinese, i think i will soon die of internal explosion because i have kept too many things inside and there has been no outlet. the reason i still can come across as happy-go-lucky in the midst of o levels or whatever is because i can rant on my blog and get the day's worries off my back. i'm afraid such days are limited. soon i will be stuck in an equilibrium where my english=chinese and neither is good enough to blow my thoughts and feelings out on the blog. drat.

i miss st margs where everyone spoke english, and there was just this amazing connection. but i've learnt to come to terms with the fact that hoping for anything even briefly similar to what i had with st margs is near impossible. even just wishing for a friend like rachel is like asking for 50cents from joshua(for the uninitiated, joshua is a scrooge that makes the christmas scrooge look like oprah winifred). i just miss the proper english conversations, and i miss doing strange stuff and laughing at even stranger stuff. i miss our tree, which has unfortunately re-sprouted. i miss algae digging, and watching frogs lay eggs. i miss skipping lessons just to read foxtrot in the library, and acting like a bad cow. most of all i miss the conversations, the remarks dripping with sarcasm, flying back and forth like a tennis ball in the US Open.

rach, when dance decides to give you a break, gimme a call. i miss you.


sem YOU gimme a call too.

scribbled
7:27 PM